Coda of 2006

Now that we are heading for the very last month of 2006, I can’t help to look back once in a while, just to ponder at what could have been and what have become so far. Tracing back, the path that I walked was not a road filled with great memories. Nor was it fairly bad. If compared to those fugitives living with missiles flying over their heads, I am still fortunate to be living in such a peaceful country.

My days are equally as good. Nothing grand, but I have not much to complain either. Except for the expensive college fees and the degrading taste of wan tan noodles. Nonetheless, everything else remains and everyone I know is living well. There is nothing more that I could ask for – except for some cash.

Despite the fact that I have lived in three houses this year, and went to college from nine to five, I have yet to find a single soul whom I can understand much of. More often than never, I find myself quietly admiring the students I see in college, and then frantically whack my head on the nearest wall when I realize myself getting overloaded with exaggerated admiration. But those Koreans are really cute.

Unlike schooling days, college life translates freedom in every other way. Punks can upload their chains, feminists can download their tight/short/pink/bare outfits and tomboys can reload their gel/moose/spray at any time of day to dominate the compliance of their green/blue/read/purple hair. It is really the perfect epitome of style. Besides that favorable fact, my shallow understanding only shows how ignorant I am in the world of fashion, and how far I am from the world of class.

Sigh. 2006 have been a whole year of waiting. It feels like I can now graduate with masters in waiting. From the beginning of the year I waited for my results, then I waited for my applications, then I waited for my friends, then I waited for something to happen, then I waited to get over things, then I waited to get ahead of them. Not only do big issues like waiting for acceptance from college affects me but also small issues like waiting for my salad dressing at the cafeteria. Sometimes I wish I could do everything myself, so I don’t have to be dependant on other people, especially when time management is never their virtue.

Throughout the year there were many things in life I thought of. Though the year is ending, problems in life never seem to end. One minute you are relieved to see the hibiscus blooming, the next minute you crack your head to save the dying rose. But then again, what good is a predictable life? It is the uncertainties and insecurities that make us want to let go and hold on to life so dearly. Life with responsibilities is better lived than without. Don’t you agree? At least with it one march forward; and at the end of day he would realize that his own fragile life is not for him alone, but also for those around him.

At this end of 2006, though there is much peace in Heaven, noises from earth could already be heard. I thought maybe I should talk less and think more next year. It is a new resolution for never had I ever thought of having to talk less. But it is not bad I guess. Besides, adults tend to prefer silent companions. Maybe I could adore them silently with my new resolution.

What about you?

The wedding

I woke up, cleaned my teeth, took my bath and arranged my clothes for the day. I made no attempt to comb my hair, allowing it to be wet and untidy and figured it was best left to look like a natural mess.

The morning was very misty and cool. Perhaps the heavy downpour last night lowered the temperature and held the heat in captivity. Everything was normal and it looked like a good day to bring the bride home. Unlike me, the little boy woke up eagerly, with questioning eyes, his smile bright and his hair lustrous.

Six cars started their way to Au Long, Taiping with the intention to bring the bride home. Everyone laughed along the journey, occasionally kept their cool so not to overly distract the driver from the road. I was seated in the front seat of the car and noticed it was going at 100km/h. At kilometer 190.8, we saw many bikers swaying on their bikes. Yes, they were not only riding, they were swaying. All of a sudden, one of the bikers halted his bike and waved his hand in gesture to stop the Volvo in front of us. That stupid biker could have been knocked down by the Volvo if it wasn’t for the prompt action of the driver to immediately break. Thank god for the ABS system in the car I was in, it was also able to stop in time, missing only by one inch from hitting the Volvo in front. So much for thanking God, with a blink of an eye, the car behind wasn’t able to stop. It rammed into the car I was in with a loud bang!

I felt my arm being held by the driver beside; perhaps he was afraid that I might thrust into the windscreen. He saw the car behind by looking at the rear view mirror and knew it was too close to break. After that, we quickly went down to see how bad the damage was. My, what a disastrous day to begin with! The car behind was badly damaged and couldn’t move anymore. There was a leakage at the water tank and the fan was already crooked in an odd looking style. Nonetheless we had to move on to pick the bride as time was running late. We reached quite late and not everyone was smiling anymore. The driver was mad at the bikers, the other driver was mad at the driver behind. Ultimately no one was hurt, only the pitiful cars involved.

We managed to bring the bride home safely. In the living area, I saw many people with unfamiliar faces. At one corner, I overheard an old snow white haired gentleman speaking very confidently to a young chap, “jiang zi bu sing de, ni bu ke yi jiang zi zuo.” Though I have the least idea of what the conversation was about, I thought the old gent has a very distinct behavior. He spoke like a politician, which made me listened with awe and almost missed the tea ceremony procession.

Dinner at night was composed and served with the same incongruous of the barbaric and refined, the oriental and the eastern, the furniture and adornments of the restaurant. The men had cigarettes in the pouting lips and from time to time turned to expectorate. I realized then that there was nothing prettier than the bride; the rose and gold of the brow, the expensive smile, the shimmering dress and the carelessness of her laughter. She was the living beauty and no doubt the diamond that shines, allures and delights everyone at the wedding.

Liberation of psyche

I am liberated from the domination of foreign powers! My finals are now over and I can get as yobbier as I can. I don’t even know if that word exists or not. But who cares.

We went for a movie the other day and watched ‘ACCEPTED.’ It was the first movie I voluntarily wanted to watch without any hesitation and don’t know any of the actors inside. However, gratefully so, I am glad it was a great movie. Although unfair, I normally judge a movie by its script. Give me a movie with a good script, doesn’t matter how desiccated the actors are or how expatiate the story is, keep me in the aviary, hang me on the wall, make me look at that rebarbative face of yours, I will still say it is a great movie.

After watching the movie, I felt lethargic; must have killed most of my brain cells during my finals memorizing facts. We went to the book store and I bought a book I’ve always wanted to buy. Oddly, I have grown accustom to read something written by a Chinese author – ha jin, xiaokang, etc. rather than any western authors. I wonder if any of you encounter the same problem as me.

At the end of the day, I thought I would have met some of my friends while hanging around but I didn’t meet anyone. Restraining myself from going bonkers (I was really excited after law paper), I was able to potter patiently in the plaza. Once in awhile imploring for familiar faces but met no one. Eventually I gave up and decided to leave the place. Shopping malls aren’t really the place for me. For now at least. They make me feel very poor and that is a very wrong place to be if it is so. It is like crossing the I’s and dotting the T’s.

Nonetheless, I am in high spirits. Scientifically speaking, I have no ADD (attention deficiency disease) like some people. So do not worry, I am still normal. Just for your knowledge, I am writing this standing on one leg. It’s nauseating and I am ending now.

Thursday Blues

Unless you forget about the dreadful past you will not be able to move on.

But how is it possible, to deliberately forget? to purposely forget?

I used to think it would be easy but i suppose to a certain point, everyone struggles. Everyone dodges and fall and cling to that same position again. It is not easy. Especially when you weren't even aware that it has already passed.

People often indulge in the world of games because it is the only place to hide. Sometimes there is no use to keep on searching for answers; keep on searching for reasonings, for further efforts will only prove your limitations and mystify yourself. Don't you agree, that the virtual world provides another reality to comfort, to embrace, to pretend?

The idle state of mind

The clouds are gone. It is only 45 minutes pass 5 but it is already very dark. I am on idle mode for I have just finished my first paper for finals this morning and have not started revising for my second paper since then. I am somewhat encouraged by the weather to stay in bed, so I have literally done nothing but day dreamt.

While I was savouring my idle state of mind, I thought about some ways to make the country a better place. Yeah, what a boring topic to day dream about! Brain cracking instead of idling. But never mind, since I have put some effort into thinking I am now officially proposing to the government, whoever they are.

1) Wireless connection for all states. In short, EVERYWHERE.
2) Make guns legal
3) Improve transportation system
4) Pay the doctors so we do not have to
5) Meritocracy prevails, equity unveils
6) Adopt Sesame Street neighborhood policy

Those are what I was able to come up with after a whole day of idling. I think guns should be made legal to curb armed violence. Citizens should be allowed to own guns so that the cacat robbers would think twice before robbing and the cacat men would think twice before raping.

Improve transportation system so you can increase car price. But because of Free Trade, I know you cannot increase so much of the price, so just improve the transportation system. Then people don’t have to resort to buying cars. And there will be less pollution, less traffic jams, less accidents, less car hijacking crimes and less cacat criminals getting away every time.

Adopt Sesame Street policy so people can stay happy all the time. I shall not elaborate more until you call me to the cabinet meeting and elect Elmo as the new prime minister.

Until then, I hear my bed cracking; I better get down already.