Of god and men

The fact is remarkable, that no matter how highly educated a person is, it does not determine the legitimacy of his actions nor his words.

I believe that when one is bruised physically, he will begin thinking about his past actions and feel remorseful. Only when he is bound by his dependence on other people; the mother, the daughter, the nurse; will he start to look back and realizes his mistakes. Some of you might not agree with me, but I derived the thought when my grandpa was critically ill last month. He was breathless as he suffered from what the doctors called chronic bronchitis. At some point he could not even lift his arm, what more to sit up and walk. Everyone was worried and kept asking him to pray for himself. He was not a religious man, as far as I know. Yet after awhile, I often saw him move his four fingers in a rhythmic motion, which I later found out it meant, ‘god, please help me.’ That was the first time I see him having faith in god,on the white hospital bed.

Since then I wondered, he had lost touch with the very earth under his feet, what could he know of the heavens above?

His action created a general and lively alarm. While everyone was awfully worried with his conditions, they were happy when he finally acknowledged the existence of god; as though afraid that god will not recognize him when he passes on to another dimension. I observe the gradual change in him as he heals with the passage of time. At the far end of the bed, I could see the many wrinkles on his temple, which reminds me he will turn 88 in no time. It is a nice figure you say, but not much left; considering when we only have a hundred years to live.

Make that if, not when.

As I observe him curiously I find that his dark eyes are profound and expressive, and now more interesting by their touching retreat-ness. Lately he has regain strength to speak and move a little, enjoying all of his time watching the television, reading every inch of the daily paper, savor his mouth watering meals and sleep comfortably on his bed, which again left me thinking; does he still remember god now?

I would most probably like to know but I guess I do not have the right to; neither the courage nor the courtesy to ask. I guess I only have my instincts to assume and my hopes to reconcile those assumptions.

Once a friend told me, men would squander and would not restrain until their lives and reputations were left in ruins, then pick themselves up and do it all over again. The mistakes they made were eternal, yet somehow the lessons were never learned.

What do you think?

A white lie turned grey

For every beginning there is an ending. As I sit here writing in this darkened room, all I hear is the sound of the slow spinning fan and the faraway dog hauling, triumphantly with innocence. So I begin to write towards the end.

Earlier yesterday, I received a call from a friend who had tried calling me for quite some time, but I was preoccupied with my assignments and school nonsense. Often I told her I would return her call, which I always naturally forget and left the issue unsettled. Worse still, I even lied about being busy and that I won’t be available until the next week so she won’t call until then. However the next week was literally next, but she called again today. We were on the phone for only god-knows how long. Though I was in a middle of a lecture, I decided to talk to her as she sounded different this time, with a sense of urgency and desperateness. She sounded intense.

She told me of her dying mother, who was suffering from breast cancer. It was malignant and from her voice I knew it was fatal. Unlike my friend, I didn’t cry. I walked to the top floor, where it was more quiet and listened to what she had to say. She told me of how difficult it is for her to have to watch her own mother go through chemotherapy and heard from the doctor that her mother has only one month to live. She told me she wanted to commit suicide and couldn’t live on like this. I was speechless as I hear her sob between her own words.

She also told me about her sleepless nights and sleeping pills. Two nights before she tried to finish a dosage of cafergot she bought from the pharmacy. In a split second I wish I was there beside her so I could slap her into reality and then hug her so she knows she is not alone.

She sounded better after letting all her problems out as I reminded her of her younger sister and brother who would really need her in their lives; and how she should be much stronger than this though I doubt my own capability in standing, myself, if I were in her shoes. More than this, I had no right to. My hands trembled after the conversation. If only I had talked to her earlier, I could have spared her much desperation. If only I had answered her calls earlier, she would know that I am here for her.

I went home then and called my mother, just to know how she was doing; and by the simplicity and gentleness of her manners dispelled my feelings of forlornness. I never told her about the call that night and said everything was fine. Sometimes, I ask myself what I would be capable of if I were to lose my mother. Certainly I will cry. But I guess I will move on. All of us have to. Life goes on…faham?

When at last I found myself alone, I would have sought the sleep I so much needed, but the emotional scenes of the day chased each other in agitating confusion through my hormonal systems, and so I sat defeated by the window, to crave counsel and help; and as I waited I sank into a deep slumber, which then I realize dawn climbing over the wall and creeping through the unclosed curtain.

Tak-a-fool?

“ Seluruh kakitangan Malaysia adalah dilarang untuk mengucapkan ucap selamat kepada ketiga perayaan di atas dan lain-lain lagi yang sepertinya kerana ianya boleh menyebabkan berlakunya syirik.” – Mohd Fauzi Mustaffa, CEO, Syariah department, Takaful Malaysia, Oct 3’ 06

The excerpt above was taken from the e-mail circulated in Sykt. Takaful Malaysia Bhd. In fact, it included an exclusion clause by head of PR, Lokman Abdul Rahman:

“Note: This was an internal mail and so far we do not have any problems with our staff regarding the mail. There are about 1-2% non-Muslim staff. We even have a consultant from India. We have a syariah department whose job is to look into these things. They check with Islamic scholars to verify the facts and advise the staff accordingly, but it is up to the individual to follow this advice.” The mail extensively explained that Muslim employees who have “committed the sin of extending such greetings” to repent immediately.

If you remember paying your school Takaful fees, this e-mail excerpt would bring agonizing thoughts. At least to me it does. Takaful, as we are well aware of, claims to have its products and services insured to non-Muslims as well. In fact, their so-called ‘visi dan misi’ states that, “The basis of Takaful Malaysia’s operation is founded on the principles of syariah with the primary objective to provide comprehensive takaful facilities and services to Muslims and ALL Malaysians…”

So it seems that there is a conflict between Takaful Malaysia’s corporate culture and its corporate mission. Don’t you think it is hypocritical when Takaful Malaysia enforces its culture of non-regard for other faiths but at the same time canvass for business opportunities among non-Muslims->some of whom do not even have a choice but to be clients of the company?

Besides that, does wishing your neighbour a “Happy Deepavali” makes you a lesser Muslim? Does extending a “Selamat Hari Raya” make you a lesser devoted Christian, Buddhist or Hindu? Just because you wish someone Happy Greetings does it mean that you are embracing his beliefs and religion?

Sigh.
p/s: While many people from the NGOs and government sectors are doing every little bit they can to forge ties between many different races, there are some who would go the extra mile to widen the gap. Indeed, it is hard to play a good song when your players hear a different drum beat.

In case you miss my presence

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