Dedication to all

Its only a few days more until everybody goes somewhere
Little Jonny will get his degree and Tommy will get his life
Sarah around the corner will probably be someone's wife
A man shot the other man and ran away with his money
When people talk about it they thought it was funny
But who's the dummy?
Cause now you lost the hustler
Thought your enemy is replace by a buster
And though i got love for you
I know i can't trust you
Because my crew is holding bolster and your crew is holding duster
And just because of that you act like you don't like me anymore
I guess thats the way it goes
I am not trying to preach
I just think its something i can reach
But your mind is not prepared
I will see you when you get there.

More temptation and faith
I guess we live for the day
A man got swept of his feet by a boy with an AK
This is too serious and we got to pay close attention
So you don't get caught sitting when everyones on the getting
Life is a big game and you got to play it with a big horse
Don't be the princess of drama and remorse
Someone has got to run a little faster to lay the struggle
You would be a fool to surrender if you think you could be a contender
And if everybody is a sinner then everybody can be a winner
Even if you rag collars deep down we are all brothers and sisters
And regardless of time somebody up there still love us
I am one and i have to stay alive when i am weak
To strive and struggle to reach the mountain peak
I will be there when you get there.

You need to loosen up a little
For your own sake just give a little
But some won't miss a good thing unwil its gone
We prefer to keep our eyes shut
When its wrong and our heart desire
So hold your heads up high if you are poor and righteous
I know the time is never right and the problems seem endless
But at times of despair we got to pull ourselves together
And if you fall out of the game
You need to get back in it
Because nothing is worse than a quitter
You have to face responsibility one day
So gather up your pity and turn them into ambition
Start the ignition and drive and pull by my side.

As we walk down the roads of our destiny
When the time comes to choose which is it going to be
The wide and crooked or the straight barrel
We got one push to give and one life to live
Stand up for something or lie down in your own game
Listen to the song that we sing
It is up to you to make it big
I guess i will see you when you see me.

p/s: i will be 24 days late.

irrelevance

Just when i thought everything was going to be alright when i woke up, nothing has changed.

Just when i think i will be marginalised as an equal in this malaysian society, i am not.

Think about it, perhaps the malaysian government isn't malaysia.

fcuk.

Bluek - part IV

Shadows flitted across the table, warping into faces and sometimes streching into limbs that collided around each other. I blinked my eyes rapidly, unsure whether my eyes had been close or open, whether i was concentrating or zonking. After several minutes of blaring music and loud singers in the background, i started to feel irritated. I looked at my watch so many times i thought it was not moving. Undauntedly, i picked up my chopsticks and wiped them over and over again. It was most unscrupulous, i thought, for a guest to be left in hunger. Where is my food?

I scanned around my table and sat up straight. The old man opposite me was obviously thinking about the same thing. He was not even sitting up straight anymore. Poor man, i smiled at him sympathetically. He nodded and shifted his spectacle that was sliding down his nose. Somehow i realised he was a dangerous man.

A few meters away, i saw food coming. Immediately, i lifted my chopsticks again and stared at that empty space i knew would soon be replaced by a plate of dish. I can feel the tension and cold sweat dripping as the old man touched his chopsticks. I looked at him intensely. He had much silver hair on his smartly combed head. His ears were big and long and his eyes, steady and dark. It was not until i saw a mischievious turn on his thin lips that i realised that food had arrived and was just right in front of me!

I quickly stood up to get my share. I took one bowl after another until it was the last green brocolli left on the big purple plate. Just as i was about to reach for the brocolli, the old man extended his chopsticks and took it away hastily. I was flabbergasted!

I looked hardly at him but he was very protective of himself. He did not look up until he finished his brocolli. Finally he lifted his eyes and nonchalantly wiped his mouth. Without a trace; without a sound. He looked innocent and stoic. Indeed, i was not wrong when instinct told me he was a dangerous man. He had claimed a silent recognition in this battleship.

Bluek - reborn

As i sit here writing this, my mind is vague. I woke up this morning nineteen and will be going to bed twenty. There is much reminiscing to be done at this age of adulthood. Most of the time i laugh at my own reverie. At a certain point, it terrifies me to know i am no longer an adolescent. It is confusing; because physically i am twelve, in reality i am twenty and actually i am more.

Thinking back, I have done many things in life. Some obviously wrong, but i am glad i was wrong then because people a less forgiving towards adult misconducts nowadays. How nice it would be to always be the younger generation. The generation that ignores what did not affect them, that is capable of nihilistic piercing, that is brave of running away, that is fearful of commitment. The deepest sense of frustration usually hits in the aftermath, when one realises it is beyond repair. However, my feelings towards the past are not of frustrations but more to absurdity.

Science has always been about figures and facts. When dealing with empirical researches, scienctists always acquire their conclusions through natural results. They allow gradual and individual changes while observing closely during each tests. They are not inclined to cheat themselves. Faith and science are both two different things. Science is always one step behind in trying to justify faith. It is through faith in religion that we tolerate misfortunes that are not explicable. God is infinite.

At this age, i still blow my head off temper. Fuming, as it use to be. But, i will control it, if not it will certainly destroy me. I have discovered that it is true, that before i start living, i should learn to wait.

This is how much i know about life thus far.

Will it be enough?

Bluek - part III

Over the years, you have been my faithful companion, loyal comrade and efficient team player, but i never gave you a second thought. I have treated you carelessly while you gave your best to me. Once i even abused you when i hit you so hard for five hours but you never said a word. I know you cannot stand it any longer, which is why you have decided to leave. However, i hope you understand that i did not abuse you without any purpose; it was because i needed you so badly at that time. I am wrong and i am sorry.

Do you remember when we both went through those sleepless nights? You were always there for me. Sometimes i wish you were less tolerent then, so i would not have taken you for granted so easily. I used you for long hours without even having the courtesy to ask if you were tired. I know my mistakes now that i have pushed you too far. I do not expect your forgiveness, i only want you to know that i sincerely apologise for my relentless attitude back then.

My heart dropped when you were diagnosed with that deadly disease. It was incurable, no antibiotics or spy ware could help you anymore. It was a third degree illness. I knew i was going to lose you. On the final moment, i looked at you with a sigh when you took your last breath. You are gone now.

We both have done many assignments and played many games together before. You would not even get angry when i throw tantrums at you. Thinking back, you were very understanding while i rarely showed you any compassion. I know that i cannot get you back, but that is okay. You are probably better off being away from me, continuing mortality without me, without my complains, without my destructive hands, without my ignorant face staring at you.

Although i have a new companion now, you know i will never forget you.

Just to let you know, his name is Asus. P4P800.