First month home

I have done most of the things that I have thought of doing. Have given away almost all things that I have bought as gifts to them. My wishes to see the people I have not seen for a few months have been accomplished.

Yet there is still something left unattended inside.

I realised some people are not particularly expecting my return. There have been a few occasions when what I had previously hoped for will not come true. Now as I visit the same places again, a different feeling arises.

I have thought wrong.

I have thought wrong about several matters.

The smile that I had returned for, where is it?

Sometimes you may take for granted that you are important to the people around you.

But what are your importance to them?

Nothing -

How stupid.

22 years of life and I am still stupid.

Tis' the season to be jolly

It's that time of the year again, isn't it?

The time to shout your carols and give presents to people you hate, put up the triangle tree and write the leftover cards you bought last year, simply because it seems like a time to be nice and you don't have to think of a reason for giving, because people already expect you to bring something.

Gone are the turkeys just happily strolling behind the back lanes yesterday evening. So have the last minute chickens who just laid their eggs this morning. I hope they have prepared their will in time.

I suppose you have all done your shopping and perhaps have your fair share expecting to receive some gifts during this jollified occasion. As for me, I do not expect to receive anything grand. Historically, no one had actually counted me in when writing their christmas list. Anyway, this is a season of giving, not receiving, kan?

So, what have you given so far?

めりくりすます and thanks for the sms-s, for the few who took the effort and time.

Cheers and fah-la-la ;-)

I stood

facing the sea for quite a long time. It was not quiet but it was peaceful. There were a few other people lingering around but I paid attention to none of them.

I finally was able to look at that person in the eye and smiled. I am happy although I am saddened at the same time.

I stood there until I lost all my thoughts, until there was nothing left to think about.

Then I went home.

When I see you again

What am I suppose to say to you?

I need to

shut the hell up with all my stupid words.

No matter how much you say or write, nothing will change.