Bent but not broken

I have a friend, lets call him N. He comes from a very rich family, whose father owns multi million dollar companies throughout the world; yet he is still studying. Naturally he is brought up in an environment where nothing is close to incomplete. He has literally everything money can get him. He doesn't know what the term financial crisis means. However, he is not egotistical or proud. He is just damn filthy loaded. So when I found out he has a girlfriend, I kept quiet.

What I couldn't understand was how he could fork out all his own pocket money to pay for her tuition fees, cover her daily expenses, feed her, buy her air tickets to Hong Kong, rent her an apartment and the list goes on. This is not an issue about the money or the girl, but his actions. He claims it to be the responsibility of a boyfriend. Seriously, with marriage comes responsibility. Make that plural, please. I mean, what if, one day she decides to walk away after graduation when she finds herself another compatible mate?

Would it all just be lost investments?

Just the other day I heard N saying that his girlfriend doesn't like him talking about his course mates. Again, I have no issues against the girl, but his rationale. His obedience and tolerance for such an unacceptable reason is almost humorous and whimsical. I mean, can't a person share his piece of cake once awhile? Does he always have to get a licence to share?

Maybe, there are situations which keeps him the way he is, so generous and charitable. I am just doing my part as a by passer. To see how far he is bent, but not broken. Perhaps not yet.

Where else do I say this to if not here.

P/s: Trust me, she doesn't look like Angelina Jolie. Guess love is always blinding when the timing is never right.

Gone to stay

Dearest Gma,

I have thought things over and have come to tell you to let things go and rest in peace.

Hopefully you have been receiving all those prayers that we have been sending you for the past five days. I had always imagined you to be larger than life, but that image shattered when you broke down and all organs failed you last weekend. All this while I’ve never regretted being close to you, although I have friends whose grandma writes poems while you can’t write an alphabet.

I could go on with a list of things that you cannot do and make a mockery of our relationship; because I find that it’s a sure way of stopping the tears. But heck, it has to stop somewhere.

Thank you for the precious memories. Now that you have gone to stay, I just want to let you know that you will always have an irreplaceable space in my heart. I am sorry I never said that when you were alive.

Its funny how many people I hardly knew came by to help with the processions the past five days. This is already a lesson for me to be nicer to strangers in the near future. Although sometimes I believe I’m often more polite to strangers than friends.

I take comfort knowing that you are in a better place and don’t worry; I will take care of myself good. But for now, I just don’t know how to exist in a world you don’t.

Until then,
I will see you when I see you.

That empty space is mine

People


More people


Grandma


R.I.P. (1931-2007)

Nothing nice to say

It has been quite awhile since I last wrote something here. Sorry for the delay but do expect some sporadic disappearance for the coming weeks as some things have gone overboard, and some things are just laying there in need of critical attention (not very sexily laying I must say).

Maybe I will tell you about it, maybe I won't.

When I went home last weekend, I found grandma on the bed with the slightest strength and energy anyone could have. It was a horrible surprise to begin with, because no one prepared me for any of such conditions; but as I touched her warm hands she did respond with a soft look. At least that was a reassurance itself. M said she had consulted 3 doctors and they had confirmed nothing is wrong with her- which is particularly weird as she is obviously very sick. Alas we found a persistent urge to consult a different doctor (the one at the temple), and he told us to perhaps prepare for the worst while at the mean time try to pray and offer meals to the people of another dimensions (if you get what I mean).

It has been the longest weekend I've ever had. Made longer with the constant worrying about grandma's condition and the possibility that it may worsen when I'm back again next week. It is frustrating and helpless when you feel like the solution you have is probably worse than the problem itself.

Then again, don't need for any consolation now. Grandma and I are doing just fine.

At the mean time, do enjoy the song that I've put up. Just felt a sudden need to listen to it. A good composition nonetheless. Exactly the song to listen to when life is reduced to nothing but empty dreams. Sing along.


Jika mimpi masa silam
Bisa kusimpan dalam kaca
Jadi perhiasan
Pasti aku abadikan
Zaman riang kanak-kanak
Pabila hujan mengundang
Suasana bahagia
Dalam hidup yang seindah
Mimpi yang tidak pernah
Melukakan perasaan...

Tapi kini bila dewasa
Aku mula sedar betapa mimpi
Hanyalah suatu permainan
Jiwa insan dalam kesepian

Jika mimpi cinta kita
Bisa kuzahirkan
Jadi lukisan yang menarik
Pasti aku sentosakan
Malam pesta bila engkau
Lafazkan janji dan memelukku
Sepanjang tarian
Hingga pipi aku terasa
Basah dalam tangisan
Yang penuh kesyukuran...



Untuk mimpi yang tidak pernah melukakan perasaan,
Cheers and all the best for finals.