where the world is perfect but i am not

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Of god and men

The fact is remarkable, that no matter how highly educated a person is, it does not determine the legitimacy of his actions nor his words.

I believe that when one is bruised physically, he will begin thinking about his past actions and feel remorseful. Only when he is bound by his dependence on other people; the mother, the daughter, the nurse; will he start to look back and realizes his mistakes. Some of you might not agree with me, but I derived the thought when my grandpa was critically ill last month. He was breathless as he suffered from what the doctors called chronic bronchitis. At some point he could not even lift his arm, what more to sit up and walk. Everyone was worried and kept asking him to pray for himself. He was not a religious man, as far as I know. Yet after awhile, I often saw him move his four fingers in a rhythmic motion, which I later found out it meant, ‘god, please help me.’ That was the first time I see him having faith in god,on the white hospital bed.

Since then I wondered, he had lost touch with the very earth under his feet, what could he know of the heavens above?

His action created a general and lively alarm. While everyone was awfully worried with his conditions, they were happy when he finally acknowledged the existence of god; as though afraid that god will not recognize him when he passes on to another dimension. I observe the gradual change in him as he heals with the passage of time. At the far end of the bed, I could see the many wrinkles on his temple, which reminds me he will turn 88 in no time. It is a nice figure you say, but not much left; considering when we only have a hundred years to live.

Make that if, not when.

As I observe him curiously I find that his dark eyes are profound and expressive, and now more interesting by their touching retreat-ness. Lately he has regain strength to speak and move a little, enjoying all of his time watching the television, reading every inch of the daily paper, savor his mouth watering meals and sleep comfortably on his bed, which again left me thinking; does he still remember god now?

I would most probably like to know but I guess I do not have the right to; neither the courage nor the courtesy to ask. I guess I only have my instincts to assume and my hopes to reconcile those assumptions.

Once a friend told me, men would squander and would not restrain until their lives and reputations were left in ruins, then pick themselves up and do it all over again. The mistakes they made were eternal, yet somehow the lessons were never learned.

What do you think?

6 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi there,

Beutifully and sensitivily written!

2:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hmm..there's thought.still,there are other possibilities which are unexplored.and that makes the entry sound lopsided.yeah..it is sensitive bt it lacks the depth of understanding.u might nt agree bt that's ok.im just leaving footprints,even tho its another direction im heading.ciao.

1:57 PM  
Blogger 毓涵 said...

There are left out thoughts. But the last para i got from you.
I may not have written the piece with much clarity but those were the thoughts i had when writing. Secondary thoughts perhaps legitimate to a certain level. All depends on your reasonings. Thank you for leaving your footprints while you were on your way.

2:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The fundamental question in all maatters....is to be or not to be.....the piece does have a poignant thought...

12:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

We tend never to learn our lessons unless something profound or life-changing occurs. Until then, it is a life of hedonism. According to Socrates, man's main aim in life is happiness. That happiness might be pleasure; it might be God. We are all different. Maybe your grandfather found salvation in God while laying in that hospital bed and have chosen to believe in Him, against all odds. To renege on that belief seems fickle of him but who are we to judge when we aim for the same thing; happiness? We take different routes for the very same destination and if being righteous gives one a sense of self-justification - thus, happiness - then one is doing the same thing as an atheist choosing God on his deathbed.
Thought-provoking.

1:29 PM  
Blogger 毓涵 said...

Judgemental is an issue. I suppose to some extend, god is always one step ahead from science. Like having many attempts to try to cure AIDS, perhaps when we do find one, another more harmful sickness will invade our lives. But then, we won't be satisfied just sitting alone doing nothing. ITs endless. Culture of hedonism is short term happiness. Or so i believe. When one is not capable of those material happiness, what is left of them? However, there is no ending to such a debate of god and men, the more we try to reason the more mystified we will be. at least to me.

9:31 AM  

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