The show must go on

Over the years, I have received quite a number of comments made directly or indirectly to me about my blog. Of course people often discount their compliments but some were quite supportive of what I have written thus far so they give restricted commentaries like, “Yea, your blog is too wordy but I still finish reading it every time,” and “It’s true you write too much, but sometimes I feel like I can’t get enough of it.”

These feedbacks are often inspiring to me, because at least I know there are some legitimate five readers who are interested in what I have to say. Five may seem like a small number but I am happy because it is simply more than four, three or two for that matter.

The reason I started writing was fundamentally because I was somehow frustrated with what happened back then. Many things occurred as I grew up in a stereotyping and labeling community where prejudice is most common. I experienced a moment in life where others imposed their own perspective and will on me because of the relative differences we shared. Regardless of any reason or justification, I soon realize that there is no end to what evokes my anger, as a normal human being living in a land where absolute equality does not exist.

So I tried to make a joke of it. I thought laughing with them was maybe a way to suppress whatever differences I had in mind. Undeniably, humor is often a great substitute for anger.

In the midst of it all, I found comfort in voicing my thoughts here. Don’t we always tend to think that a quiet person is a wise person? I’m coming to think, though, that the silent one is so because he has nothing to say. Silence is hence golden only in exhaust pipes. Writing does give me hope in the face of difficulty. It also gives me hope in the face of uncertainty. The audacity of hope, once again, gives me life.

On the other hand, I am well aware, that words are a mere invention to describe what we perceive. And what we perceive is only one perspective that may well be inaccurate. Language can further distort that perspective hence what is more truthful is therefore, the truth that can only be felt within the heart.

Usually, words cannot explain the real experience of something. I do hope my writings will be able to win back lost friends and discover the advice to show a decent respect for the differences of mankind. More often than not the world could just be a better place when people are able to just agree to disagree.

Last week somebody gave me a familiar piece of advice asking me to count my blessings and that I’m too young to have such gloomy perception about life. Obviously a comment which I took to heart because I take considerable care for anything she says. Good communication is always as stimulating as black coffee, and it’s just as hard to sleep afterwards.

This comment is the same reason why I wrote this post, if you were thinking where I was heading. Somehow I do not feel a need to be in denial or try to sound intelligent because I might as well just sound emotionally gloomy again. But guess there is a need for me to say this and I will say this only once; everyone is here for a reason and until you find out what that reason is, you cannot really claim to be truly grateful for all that you have.

Personally, just because I don’t speak my thankfulness aloud doesn’t mean I am not thankful for having such wonderful family and friends. The things I have, I never complain about in my writings. Normally external issues are what influence my thinking and perspectives. The people in the world, their deeds and misdeeds are often what I’m concern about. Not because I care for them, but because their actions adversely affect the lives of other people.

While I may write negatively about life, it only shows that I am fairly aware that life is not a bed of roses; nothing more, nothing less. And if I happen to realize that at this age, then I may as well tell you what I think about life so far. Besides what basis is the benchmark set to which age is too young or too old for expressing one’s thoughts and experiences.

Maybe I am putting that comment too much in scrutiny and overlooking the sincere effort in it. But these are the justifications if anyone of you feels the same way. I have to say for myself that I am not an emotional person, I just happen to be able to express emotions.

Now you can go on with your judgments since you have heard my side of the story. Go ahead, hands down, feel free.