Maybe I will

I have just gone through my email folder where I keep mails I want to keep. Guess that is why many people prefer electronic materials, because you get to choose what you like and save it, and choose what you don't like and delete it.

In my case, I've just read all the mails I kept before and deleted them after rereading. I suddenly felt a need to delete them, though I very much want to save them.

The last mail I kept, was dated 2004. While reading, my soul was brought back to the past and my spirit let down by the reality of the day. I realise, that I am no longer the person in the mail.

As I read the mails with detachment, I was able to relate more to the things that I wasn't ready to accept back then. I was able to see both sides. I know, many things have happened since. Many things have changed. And I am certainly a better person than I was before. Or so I would like to believe.

Then again, maybe there is some truth in saying that people don't change much, they just argue better.

Somebody told me, "Remember not to revive past relationships. Don't romanticise anything. Just accept all in totality. Let it be. Let it all be. The past is dead and meaningless and should be buried. Do not try to rationalise anything, because all will result in the same logic, the same justifications, the same reasons why."

But I am a rational being. To not rationalise is difficult to the verge of impossibility. The problem with me is the past is not meaningless to me. How can something of the past be meaningful, you say? Well perhaps it's not something that matters most, it's someone.

Then again, like I've said, I've deleted all the mails that I've once kept. The next step is to burn away possessions.

Maybe I won't have the heart to. Maybe I will.