It is not the thought that counts

Somebody once told me, "It is okay to just drop by to say Happy Birthday empty handed, because it is really the thought that matters most.”

The saying ‘It is the thought that matters,’ I think, must have came from the person who had forgotten to buy her gifts until the last minute of 9 o’clock Christmas Eve, or the first night of the wedding anniversary, or the eve of St. Patrick’s or just minutes before the twilight of a friend’s birthday.

So c’mon, if it is really the thought that counts, then why don’t we always tell people what we were thinking when we were scrambling to buy them their last minute panic gift – it was less than twenty dollars and I hardly would see them anyway.

Fact is, we don’t say these things because it is not the thought of the giver that counts. The thought that counts is the thought the getter is thinking after the wrapper has been torn away.

If we are really thoughtful, we would buy presents that they could in turn give away to other people when they see their names on the shopping list. They could unwrap a gift which is already a wrapped gift with their nephew’s name on the tag, ready to go. We just gave them less three hours to waste at the shopping mall, now THAT is thoughtful.

Frankly, it takes such a thought and creativity to decide what would make a good gift to someone.

You have to consider what the other person likes, what they have, what they care about, what they need. Basically, it is something you have to invest a lot of your time in, and since time is something none of us have anymore, we give them the ten years picture framed on our wall. It looks like a gift. It seems like a gift though they may not even use it after that.

C’mon tell me a date where you don’t put aside useless gifts?

Yet because we are all so good at acting, it is hard to tell when someone really likes or dislikes the gift we give them. So here is a quick checklist to consider when they receive your gift:-

1) They say, “I love it!!!” If they say I love it, you can be sure they hate it. Loving a photo frame, makes no sense. So clearly they are overcompensating for the feeling of guilt and shame about the deeper feeling of anger and resentment that they have about being given a photo frame for whatever occasion we give them. Or maybe they are just overwhelmed by the idea of getting such a personal utilitarian gift after ten years of friendship.

2) They say, “Thank you.” Thank you is such a loaded word, imperceptible and full of irony. However, special circumstances apply when they stop, sigh and stare deeply into your eyes before they say it. Then they are most probably an imposter.

3) They say, “Where did you get it??” Sometimes I think, why don’t you just say, “Does the store give refunds so I can return it and finally get something that I actually want?”

Of course, the best gifts of all gifts – are handmade gifts. Unreturnable, Unusable, unsightly, unfun. These are of course, some of the words you can use to describe handmade gifts, unless you are related to a talented furniture maker, clothing designer or Van Gogh.

My point is, when considering giving a gift to someone else, please consider, “Is this the gift that I would like to get?”

There you have it, I have stated down my point, enough said.

With all these in mind, get out there and let the people you care about most know exactly how much you are thinking about them by giving them fun, useful and exciting gifts. Then, after shopping for two hours and you realize you don’t know what their interests are, give up and go to the sections where products sold are exchangeable.