where the world is perfect but i am not

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Rhythm of the falling rain

For the last week, I have not been able to tell exactly what day it was. The days have seemed to lose their ability to mechanically change from one to another, and I see them come and go with nothing to differentiate them at all, not even the passing night.

I have been accustomed to routine, a life where each day differed little from the one before. I remember little of the routine that carried me throughout the day, but I do recall myself waking up and making fruit juice and watching TV and coming online and playing the piano and going out seeing people.

And then there were times when I carried the laundry downstairs for washing before collecting and ironing the clean ones from the balcony. For a while, I enjoyed being domesticated, however now, I am longing for the days when I can be occupied again with assignments and examinations, although this very soon means being away from home for a period of time.

As I sit here writing this; it is pouring heavily outside. I strain to hear if the neighbor’s baby is crying, but the strong rhythm of the falling rain drowned out all noise for the moment. Somehow I am grateful for it. The repetitive rush of the water is something that is capable of lulling me gently to sleep.

It is a comforting thing, the rain. At least to me it is.

Sometimes by staring blankly at it, I realize the hunger that roars inside of me, the satisfaction, the self assuredness - of individuality, of spirit, of aloneness. Somehow the rain gives me time to think and double think, slowing me down at many occasions. This is not necessarily a bad thing, because the world is moving so fast, that when we are slowed down, we often cannot remember who we actually are.

The thing with slowing down is, we might already be gone soon before long like many of the wildflowers on the plain earth.

Then again guess we will still have many things to write about until then.

Just to see if what we write will become the spark of something significant.

Just to see if what we write will make a difference in changing something for the better.

Just to see if what we write; matters.

2 Comments:

Blogger Alyssa Ng said...

sometimes is not always about oneself but more to everyone else.

5:14 AM  
Blogger 毓涵 said...

ok, its about everyone else now.

10:15 AM  

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