Why I deserve a scholarship

I am a less remote figure, often seen tapping the desk and looking around. I have known to model a smoking volcano in my fourth year, making them more intriguing with verbal sound effects. I translate my mother tongue for Canadian tourists, I write award winning essays, and I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I wake up before the alarm clock rings three days in a row.

I impress old men with skill and style when piano playing; I can pedal bicycles with critical speed and I can bake twenty minutes cake in ten minutes. I am an expert in painting, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Singapore.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a democrat. I don’t smoke. I camped in the field for a good course. My deft floral plantings have earned me fame in neighborhood botany. Children smile at me.

I play the guitar, I was recruited by the Rangers, I was voted president in class for five consecutive years. When I am bored I build sand castles for my pet tortoise, Gordon. Critics worldwide condemn over my original style of formal wear.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic and my fees are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I play the piano for a ballet school to continue living. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down.

I breed prize winning oysters. I have won chess competitions and spelling bees. I have read Shakespeare, I have gone through blood donation and I have spoken to God.

But I have not yet gone to university.

p/s: And you wonder why I never got the scholarship.