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Ladies and Gentlemen,

The Chinese New Year holidays are now over, and the year of rat will certainly be an interesting year that will bring about important events not only in my life but also the world. I described the events to be interesting mainly because they will ensue with eventual outcomes which are still uncertain.

The year of rat marks the beginning of another lunar roller coaster round. In my opinion, the year of rat means a year that will go by sniffing around in drain holes and sewage pipes. This will of course, indirectly influence especially the environment, causing water pollution and nose congestions to the cow, the tiger, the rabbit, the horse, the goat, the monkey and the pig. Yes, nose congestion is the new term for flu.

Facing such inevitable consequences, the rat will have to tell a lie of a mission to remain its pristine condition. Because the dragons will barbeque them for a white lie, the rats will have to tell a lie of a mission instead. And because I am the tiger, I will not speak on behalf of all animals in the population, both urban and jungle however this is a public announcement, that I, the tiger, will be prepared to provide financial incentives for the rats to kindly vanish themselves from potentially affected areas. Yes, financial incentive is the new term for bribery.

Generally, the battle is now on and war has officially begun for the rats to fight for their rights. The snakes have been hissing for too long now and since the rats are ready; they are not going back without victory. It may be human weakness to succumb to temptations but it is snake weakness to wallop every irresistible rat regardless of size. It is definitely a weakness the rats cannot combat with a gun. Hence there will be a major congregation to assist settlements in a very civilized manner. Voting will be held on 8^th of March for them to choose the right snake in the name of rat dignity and democracy. Yes, rat democracy is the new term for snake politics.

On the economic front, the mothers of all roosters have terrorized Bangladesh, Indonesia and Pakistan. H5N1 compatriots have attacked and what’s most obvious is the rats will eventually decide to remain self sufficient and become domesticated vegetarians. They will mingle only among themselves and federal statistics have shown great percentage of favorable outcome to this because it is easy to choose among them (they all have the same face).

This is much unlike the human population, where people often wear a mask and suffer from delusions of adequacy. While human beings are aware of their increasing fatality rate, they still don’t always choose the right people to mingle with. Research has shown that this may be due to the fact that the right people to mingle with prefer to be self sufficient. Yes, self sufficient is the new term for anti social.

Nevertheless the year of rat will usher in with a new president for the USA. Personally the election campaigns both locally and globally have proven that the people worldwide, regardless of the color white, black, yellow, green or purple, have somehow evolved to a higher level of understanding; that there is no such thing as making a difference alone.

Yet there was this confused soul who thinks he can take over the world and had to kill so many people around him to convince himself otherwise. Indeed, George W. Bush, who has obviously made such a mess of his term, that in relation to the rest of the world, whoever replaces him, Obama or Clinton, would certainly be able to make a difference.

Ladies and Gentlemen,

And that is the hope, however naïve it may be, that many of the people in the world hold on to.

I, on the other hand, being the vertically challenged self as I have always been, can only patiently wait for the answers the year of rat will bring to me and the world. Undoubtedly there will certainly be changes ahead; but the real question is – how much?

(Silent and stare at audience with pretentious concern)

Until we meet again the same time, same place, thank you for tuning in to this channel courtesy of CNY news special. Have a nice day and bah-bye!