Confessions that make me

It is heart wrenching to think that the person you love does not love you back, and you begin to wonder how did you let it pass you by and when did the spark of fire fade away.

I never consider myself a sentimental person. Though I see myself weeping over a boy who died in the movies, I seldom wallow on having to lose someone, something. In retrospect, I may take a few days or weeks or years even, too heal from the pain but I guess I can take it all in when the timing is right.

Don’t get me wrong either; I am not a person without emotions. I am easily overwhelmed by the simplest things in life, sometimes just by looking at a baby smile makes my day. I have always thought babies have this magical power on me; I can spend hours staring at them. And it won’t matter, if I get nothing at all.

I have seen many people in life that I want to be like and then soon find myself the total opposite of who they are. While opposites can and do attract, I always feel that I am the luckier person to have known them, and I made the better decision in making them friends. I may not seem like a gregarious person who attend weekend parties or speak tactfully with quick wit, but I am appreciative that I have many friends that do. Because my idea of a great day is spending time on a good couch reading a good book, with a cup of steamy hot tea by my side, I normally don’t hang out in places with many people around.

But then again, I don’t consider myself a passive and an introvert. When given the right person at the right time, I could talk for hours and make noises like the Manhattan fish market. Nonetheless, I enjoy nothing more than to be surprised with a wonderful gesture.

To be honest, I wasn’t completely comfortable as a young lady with those of the opposite sex. In school, I was neither an athlete nor a member of the prefects’ board, the most popular group of people. I was however, quite fond of chess and self elected myself as the president of the club which somehow rather grew to become a club of more than ten members. Unfortunately, none of them were male. Except once, for the tutor we invited when we found out our members needed extra motivation and he was a source of inspiration.

Despite my lack of experience, I have enjoyed meeting with half a dozen of guys and because I have decided not to pursue a relationship until after I graduate, I didn’t get to know much about these guys well and they quickly slipped away from my mind.

I have no idea what it would be like if I had taken the initiative to get to know someone more than usual. I’ve watched couples starting off by holding an umbrella under the rain in movies. But I am not sure if it works in real life.

For some people, it is okay to fall out of love. At least they have a chance to say good bye. At least they have tried.

For some people, it is disastrous. They live life in ruins and they fall apart. Their story ends with a broken heart and arrow. They live sadly ever after.

Well, for me, of course I would bring an umbrella in anticipation of a rainy day. Please say hi and approach me if you see me crossing the road.

I won’t mind sharing my shade.

I promise.