What a life
I went to bed about eleven thirty last night, frozen with thoughts. People in this area; usually go to bed early, so as to be up soon after sunrise to prepare to travel to their respective workplace at the city for their work. But as the hustle and bustle of daily living was suspended and voices died away, a deep silence fell, into which other sounds; noises that demanded different thoughts from me came.
There was the sound of strong blowing winds of the early spring; I hear them consciously in my bed, as I covered myself neatly under three folds of blankets. This room is furnished with light pink curtains and the walls and doors are plastered over with white paint, as is customary when houses are small. These are simple accommodations compared to the comfort I had left behind, but it is wonderful to have the freedom to do anything, without the constant worries of having to share my space and privacy with strangers.
With an effort I shut my eyes and ears and tried to send myself to sleep, but that only made me more awake. It was one of those periods of time when the issues of life stand out clearly from the usual muddle in which so much living takes place. This new chapter of life has given me a different experience from what I was accustomed to.
Desperation, made me brave, and now that I am reading again the earlier pages written, I thought the plots were too fast and harsh, lacking the usual lightness and easy reading one would expect, from a new beginning. For awhile I felt as if my heart was being squeezed, and the tears flowed unchecked. I cannot describe to you entirely what initiated it, but after that it lifted some part of me nearer to the source of peace. I felt slightly better and soon smiled at the silliness of it all. I ought to be bolder than this.
I must have slept, because when next I was aware, it was 7 am by my little clock, and I lay still for a few moments, preparing to hear noises from the radio and the splashing of water from the bathroom next door. Blankly, I remembered a phrase from Confucius who said, “How can a human understand about death, when he cannot even understand life.” Subsequently I got myself out of the bed to greet the sun with a steamy cup of tea. What a life.
There was the sound of strong blowing winds of the early spring; I hear them consciously in my bed, as I covered myself neatly under three folds of blankets. This room is furnished with light pink curtains and the walls and doors are plastered over with white paint, as is customary when houses are small. These are simple accommodations compared to the comfort I had left behind, but it is wonderful to have the freedom to do anything, without the constant worries of having to share my space and privacy with strangers.
With an effort I shut my eyes and ears and tried to send myself to sleep, but that only made me more awake. It was one of those periods of time when the issues of life stand out clearly from the usual muddle in which so much living takes place. This new chapter of life has given me a different experience from what I was accustomed to.
Desperation, made me brave, and now that I am reading again the earlier pages written, I thought the plots were too fast and harsh, lacking the usual lightness and easy reading one would expect, from a new beginning. For awhile I felt as if my heart was being squeezed, and the tears flowed unchecked. I cannot describe to you entirely what initiated it, but after that it lifted some part of me nearer to the source of peace. I felt slightly better and soon smiled at the silliness of it all. I ought to be bolder than this.
I must have slept, because when next I was aware, it was 7 am by my little clock, and I lay still for a few moments, preparing to hear noises from the radio and the splashing of water from the bathroom next door. Blankly, I remembered a phrase from Confucius who said, “How can a human understand about death, when he cannot even understand life.” Subsequently I got myself out of the bed to greet the sun with a steamy cup of tea. What a life.
posted by 毓涵 @ 3:29 PM
1 Comments:
It was like walking down the memory lane, when you read through your past posts. Have mixed feelings, too.
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