Don't be evil

Even for the most skeptical, belief is an absolute necessity for practical experience. At the very least, we have to have faith that the material world will continue in its accustomed ways, that tomorrow as today iron will be hard and clay soft, that objects will continue to fall toward the earth instead of flying off into the sky. Even in the less certain and less easily analyzed realm of human character, we constantly act on beliefs – that a soft answer will turn away wrath, that a veteran soldier will fight bravely, that a mother will love and protect her children, that the mailman will deliver the mail instead of stealing it. Without belief, action would be paralyzed; we should never know what to do in a given situation. What really distinguishes the rational from the irrational thinker is not the presence or absence of belief, but the grounds on which belief is accepted.

Last week, I encountered one of the first experiences in life where I was criticized and judged without absolute proof. It is undeniable that conflicts do occur when strangers are grouped together and forced to complete assignments in a limited time constraint. Nonetheless, what ensued after my first assignment was impossible for me to accept. One of my team members had decided to give me a full appraisal and made up a peer review post in her blog. Needless to say, I was claimed to be ‘irresponsible’ and ‘wanting the glory all to myself.’ Since the word ‘irresponsible’ implies negative attitude for something the writer approves of, I thought it was good to simply ignore her complain as we all have differing conception of what constitutes irresponsibility. Besides it was also because an element of personal feeling had obviously entered in.

Despite the above rationale, I lost it and confronted her about her actions. Instead of solving the matter I was treated to a whole long lecture about how I should have reflected on my own actions and think clearer why I am offended by her words. Of course she reminded me that it was her blog and that I didn’t have to read if I didn’t like it, that she can write whatever she wants and told me she is being very civil towards me with the hope that I am mature enough to do the same.

After trying to talk things out, I decided it was best that I leave her with her evil thoughts about me and continue living my technicolor life like normal. She clearly wasn’t prepared to listen to anything I have to say. One thing for sure, her claim that I wanted glory, fame and attention to myself was definitely wrong. I didn’t want anything.

At times, we will get hurt and sad when we don't get the things we want so badly. But often the ones who get hurt and sad are the ones who don't know what they really want.

And I don't even know which category do I fall in now.

So I stopped justifying myself; because no matter how far I fight to deny her judgment, I still cannot prove her statement false by reference to material facts. However, though such assumptions affect the least of our human values and personality, we should at least try to avoid these statements, all too common in controversy, which do nothing more than express feeling or prejudice. Definitely one cannot deduce ANYTHING from a feeling; but then again.

Ai, entahlah apa yang aku duk merepek ni kan?